How to plan a hen or stag do (and keep everyone talking to you)
So you've been handed the hen or stag do. Congratulations, and sorry. It's a lovely job and a fiddly one: different budgets, different diaries and a group chat full of people you've never met. Here's the order to do things in, so it doesn't fall apart.
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1. Talk to the bride or groom first
Before you tell anyone else anything, find out:
- Who's invited. Get a list with contact details, and ask who's a must-have.
- What they'd actually enjoy. Big weekend away? One night out? Something low-key? Anything that's off limits?
- Any no-go dates. Work, family events, and any time too close to the wedding.
- Surprise or not. If it's a surprise, you'll need a trusted co-organiser on the inside.
2. Agree the budget before the plan
This is where most hen and stag dos go wrong. Someone books something brilliant and then half the group quietly can't afford it.
- Ask privately. Message each person, or use an anonymous poll, to ask what they're comfortable spending. Nobody wants to say "too much" in front of everyone.
- Plan to the lower end. Set a per-head cap that works for most people, not just the best-paid.
- Count everything. Travel, accommodation, activities, food, drinks, and the guest of honour's share if the group is covering it.
- Offer a "lite" option. Let people join for just the night out, or just the day.
- Be clear on deposits. Say what's due, when, and whether it's refundable, before anyone pays.
3. Get a date everyone can make
With a guest list and a rough budget, find the date. Don't ask "when's everyone free?" in the group chat. You'll get forty messages and no answer.
Make a Whenabouts plan instead. Set a date range, narrow it to the days that make sense (for a weekend away, tick just Friday and Saturday), and share the link. Everyone taps the days they're free (or "maybe") without signing up, and the best date is highlighted. Tap any date to see exactly who's free.
For a hen do, our hen do planner goes deeper on this step. It works just the same for a stag. For a weekend away, look for a Friday and Saturday next to each other where the most people are free.
4. Choose what you're doing
Once you have a date and a budget, the options narrow quickly. A few tried-and-tested shapes:
- A day activity plus dinner: cocktail making, a cookery class, axe throwing, a boat trip, a bottomless brunch.
- A night out: a reserved area in a bar, with a booked dinner first.
- A weekend away: a city break or a big shared house, with one main activity per day.
Can't agree? Put everyone's ideas on the wheel with Spin the Plan and let it pick.
5. A rough timeline
Every group is different, but this order works:
- As early as you can: guest list, budget and date. Popular weekends and venues go first, so start early.
- Once the date's set: book the main activity and accommodation, and collect deposits.
- The middle stretch: sort the details (dinner booking, transport, any themed bits) and send a short itinerary.
- The final weeks: collect the balance, confirm numbers with every venue, and send the final plan with addresses and times.
- The week before: check the weather, share a packing list and phone numbers, and put an emergency kitty aside.
6. Keep the comms simple
- One group chat, with a pinned message holding the date, plan, costs and payment details.
- One place for the money: a single account, a clear deadline, and a note of who's paid.
- Keep updates short. Long messages get skimmed.
- Tell people the cost before they commit. Never after.
Frequently asked questions
How far in advance should you plan a hen or stag do?
As early as you can. Popular weekends, venues and activities book up, so fix the date and budget first. Then book the big things as soon as the date's confirmed.
How do you set a hen or stag do budget?
Ask everyone privately what they can spend, plan to the lower end, and include travel, accommodation and the guest of honour's share. Agree deposits and deadlines upfront.
How do you find a date for a hen or stag do?
Share a Whenabouts link. Everyone taps the days they're free without signing up, and the date that suits the most people is highlighted.
Who organises the hen or stag do?
Usually the maid of honour or best man, but anyone close to the bride or groom can do it. Sharing the job with a co-organiser helps.
What if some people can't afford the whole weekend?
Offer a lighter option, such as just the night out or just one day, so nobody has to miss it completely.