How to organise Friendsmas (without doing it all yourself)
Friendsmas is the best bit of December: your mates, a big table, paper hats and at least one person who takes Secret Santa far too seriously. It's also a lot of work if one person ends up doing everything. This guide breaks it into steps, so the host still gets to enjoy it.
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Step 1: Get the date in first
Everything else (the food, the venue, the Secret Santa) depends on the date, and December fills up fast. Make a plan, drop one link in the group chat, and let everyone tap the days they're free. Our Friendsmas planner covers the date part in detail.
Step 2: At yours, or out?
Hosting at home is cheaper and cosier, and nobody's chucking you out at 10.30. You'll need enough chairs, plates and fridge space, plus a plan for the washing up.
Going out means no cooking and no clearing up, but you'll be on the venue's terms: deposits, set menus, a fixed finish time. If you go out, book as soon as the date's confirmed. Our guide to Christmas dinner with friends has a booking checklist.
Step 3: Sort the food (potluck, but organised)
A free-for-all potluck ends in four trifles and no potatoes. Give it a bit of structure:
- Host does the main. Turkey, a big roast chicken, a nut roast or a giant lasagne. One centrepiece is plenty.
- Everyone else gets a category. Starters and nibbles, roast potatoes, veg, pigs in blankets, pudding, cheese, drinks.
- Ask about diets early. Veggie, vegan, gluten-free and allergies, before anyone shops.
- Keep oven space in mind. Ask guests to bring things ready to eat or that just need warming.
- Don't forget the boring bits. Ice, foil, takeaway tubs for leftovers, and crackers.
Post the list in the group chat so everyone can see who's got what.
Step 4: Secret Santa rules (decide before you draw)
Secret Santa only works if everyone knows the rules:
- Agree a budget and stick to it. Pick a figure everyone's comfortable with, not just the person on the biggest salary.
- Decide on a theme, or not. "Something under budget from a charity shop" or "something you'd want yourself" both work.
- Draw names fairly. Use a hat, a name-draw app or one trusted friend. (Whenabouts sorts the date, not the names.)
- Set the swap time. After pudding works well, because everyone's sat down and full.
Step 5: Games and a bit of structure
You don't need an itinerary, but a couple of planned games stop the evening drifting into everyone on their phones.
- Christmas quiz. Everyone writes one round. You sit out your own.
- Charades or "guess the Christmas film". No kit needed.
- White elephant swap instead of (or as well as) Secret Santa. People can "steal" a gift.
- Best and worst of the year. Everyone shares one of each. Surprisingly lovely.
- A playlist everyone adds to in the week before.
Can't agree what kind of night it should be? Use Spin the Plan. Add a few ideas, spin the wheel, and let it decide.
Step 6: Decorations and the table
Keep it simple: candles, a few crackers and fairy lights do most of the work. Borrow chairs and plates from a neighbour rather than buying more. If you want a theme (ugly jumpers, "black tie but make it festive", a colour), say so when the date's confirmed so people have time to sort it.
Step 7: Hosting logistics people forget
- Start time and finish time. Put both in the group chat.
- Getting home. Check last trains and buses, sort lifts, or offer the sofa.
- Splitting costs. If the host's buying the main and the drinks, agree upfront how everyone chips in. Then pay by bank transfer on the night, not "I'll sort you out" in January.
- The washing up rota. Assign it before the fizz comes out.
Frequently asked questions
How do you organise a Friendsmas?
Lock in the date first, then decide on home or out, split the food by category, agree Secret Santa rules, and plan a couple of games. Share everything in one place so the host isn't doing it all.
What food should you have at Friendsmas?
A roast or one big centrepiece from the host, with everyone else bringing a category: nibbles, potatoes, veg, pudding, cheese or drinks. Check dietary needs first.
How much should you spend on Secret Santa?
Whatever your group is comfortable with. Agree one budget upfront so nobody's out of pocket or embarrassed.
What games can you play at Friendsmas?
A homemade Christmas quiz, charades, a white elephant gift swap, or "best and worst of the year" all work without any kit.
How do we pick a date everyone can make?
Share a Whenabouts plan in the group chat. Everyone taps the days they're free and you'll see the date that suits the most people. It's free, and no login is needed.